Life with a Fat Shamer

Growing up my mom would make comments about other people’s weight all the time. She said things like “that person could stand to lose a few pounds” and “they should try skipping a meal once and a while.” She once told me that a bulimic TV actress “just needed to grow-up and lose some weight.” If a person wasn’t super skinny— to her that meant they were fat. These are the beliefs that shaped my own body image. Every time my mom made a disparaging comment about someone else’s weight, I internalized it. I grew up ashamed of my body and my extra weight.

The BEST Sparkling water, ever.

In my quest to find a tasty substitute for diet soda, I have ventured into the multitudinous realm of flavored sparkling waters. I didn’t think it would be that hard, but I’ve had to go through a number of different kinds before I found a flavored, no calorie, no added sugar sparkling water that gets it right.

The Things I Didn't Do

Avoided tests. It's one of those concepts I learned in college and is still in my mind 20 years later for some strange reason. It basically means not doing something because you assume a certain fact to be true. Like, if there was a company you wanted to work for, but didn't call them because someone told you they weren't hiring. That would be an avoided test. The crux of the lesson, of course, was to avoid avoided tests because they could be an obstacle to your success.

People like to make lists of "The Things they Want to Do", but I feel compelled today to write a list of "The Things I Didn't do."

Get Over it Already

I was talking to a classroom mom this morning, and it came out that she was a writer and a blogger.  Wow, I thought. We have something in common. We are alike in that way. I proceeded to share that I too had a blog but I didn't write in it very often. When she asked what it was about, for some reason, I felt comfortable sharing that it was an anonymous blog about food issues. This was probably because I saw that her blog was about health, happiness, and spirituality-- so I figured she would be open and non-judgmental. Then she asked me if I still had the food issues or if I had overcome them. I said "I would say I am in recovery, but yes, I still have them."

I wish I had said something else. I wish I had said...

Clean up, Clean up, Everybody Everywhere

Keeping my sons' room tidy. It is a part of motherhood I find absolutely excruciating. It doesn't seem like it should be that big of a deal, but it looms over me like a bunch of dementors sucking the life out of me. No matter how many times I reorganize and put things away it ends up looking like a tornado hit it.

Right now, I just...

Dear Blog

My night.

I try to stay away from you,
but I just can't.
There's something pulling me to post, even though I haven't done it perfectly, or regularly.
I want to give up,
to pretend I never made you...

After 4 Months of non-blogging

I'm putting up this picture I took over the summer to remind myself to be open to the beauty of new things.  Sometimes the openness applies to old things too-- like writing in this here blog.

After four months of not posting, it's so easy to just keep on not posting, to remain in the void, keep the status quo, continue closing off.  Today, my victory is breaking out. Writing today just to write because I'm tired of not writing.  So, thanks for obliging, dear blog.