Sunday, March 24, 2013

I Don't Hate Myself Today

I don't hate myself today.  In fact, I haven't hated myself in 44 days.  February 7th, 2013. That's the day I finally became ready and willing to do the things I need to do to take care of myself;  for starters... getting much needed exercise on a regular basis, making food choices that feed my body, instead of...
my disease.  As a result of this,  I am experiencing the miracle of recovery; freedom from compulsive eating and food obsession (on a daily basis).

Today, I don't recognize myself around food.  This morning, my husband made pancakes with fresh fruit.  I ate one pancake dressed with a modest amount of butter and syrup and thoroughly enjoyed every bite. I had a reasonable portion of strawberries and apples and called it quits.  Breakfast done.  If this were nearly an other day of my life, I would have eaten probably 3 pancakes drowning in butter and syrup.  Then I would have stuffed myself with strawberries and apples to make up for the pancakes.  Afterwards, as the starches and sugars digested in my body, complete and utter self-hatred would set in.  I would then spend the rest of the morning, if not the entire day, in procrastination-mode, paralyzed by shame and guilt.

So, instead I felt energized to start the day, with my head clear and uncluttered by negative self-talk.  I wanted to write and exercise, instead of crawling back into bed.

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