I learned a new term yesterday at my Adoptee Voices Writing Group-- Transracial adoptee. Apparently that's the term that describes me, since I am of the Korean race and was placed with a family of a different race. Labels are superficial, but it feels good to know there is a name for what I am. For most of my life, I thought so little of my identity as an adoptee that never thought about what to call it. I have to name it so I can learn more about it.
I did it! When I hit publish for this entry, I completed the challenge I set for myself; posting every day for 7 days straight.
I feel a deep sense of calm and peace at this moment, having just watched an episode of Chef's table about 60-year old, Jeong Kwan, an exceptional chef and Zen Buddhist nun in South Korea. I noticed it was one of the episodes I had previously skipped over in the queue. I was about to skip it again tonight but in the spirit of embracing the thing I am curious about but feels scary and too different, I decided to hit play-- so glad I did.
I am working on an essay right now prompted by the recent fatal shooting of 6 Asian-American women in Atlanta. It's about being an Americanized Korean adoptee, what that means and how it has effected my identity. I started writing it on Wednesday. It is taking me awhile to write because I realized that I am really figuring it all out as I go along. Today I found the words for something I had been stuck on for a few days. It's a small victory but feels really good.
Day #5. So this is the day it all breaks down. There's no way this will be close to 300 words. It's 9:30pm and it's too late for me to think of a subject to write about. This is good though. I am learning about what kind of writer I am-- definitely not the kind that likes to stay up at late night. That means if I am looking to carve out some quiet, uninterrupted writing time, it going to have to be early morning.
I had poured my coffee, but hadn't taken a sip yet, when I got the text from a friend. She mentioned the Atlanta shootings and how upset I must be as an Asian-American woman and offered her support. Christ. It wasn't even 8:00am.
Reluctantly and already with a heavy heart, I searched up "Atlanta shootings." She was right, I was horrified to read about the attack on 8 people, 6 of whom were Korean. Even so, I wondered if this text needed to be sent to me so early in the morning. I wondered if it might have been better to wait until the shootings were officially deemed hate crimes before reaching out. As of early morning, and even by 11pm there was not enough evidence to prove the attacks were racially motivated. For now, the news is calling them the Spa Shootings.
Late last Thursday night, my writing coach (whom I haven't worked with since last Summer) sent me a link to a Parenting Journalist Conference which started the following morning. My immediate thought was "How dare she send me a link to an event without at least 24 hours notice!" But I soon realized what good fortune it was that she thought to include me at all. Thanks to this conference, I've broken free of the publishing anxiety that plagued me for the better part of a year.
"I am a bit of a perfectionist and can be indecisive. I've come a long way in my advanced 46 years - I can get out of Target in under 20 minutes if I REALLY have to. Most of the time I can deal fine with these traits accept when it comes to writing. In my writing life, they are crippling.
I love Valentine's Day. I always have. The day is all about love and red-- one of my favorite colors-- and hearts. So, I am going to come right out and say it it: I love hearts. There. Why did it take me so long to admit?
