Shock. Devastation. Loss. Sadness. Raw talent, gone. All of these things went through my mind the moment I heard about the death of one of my favorite actors, Philip Seymour Hoffman.
Addiction.
I was devastated. The tragedy felt so close to home because of the issue of addiction. I wanted to do something. Anything. But what could I possibly do? What could I do to help make his passing more meaningful to myself and maybe someone else. All I could think of to do was write.
The first time I saw him was in the 1997 film, Boogie Nights. In this movie Hoffman's character is rebuffed, after trying to kiss the lead character played by Mark Walhberg. I will never forget the the genius of that scene. Hoffman's character banging his head repeatedly on a car steering wheel, chanting "I'm a f--in idiot, I'm a f--in idiot…" The pain, the humiliation, the shame was palpable. I think it was the most
uncomfortable I've felt for a film character, ever.
more to come…
While life on the outside is good these days-- very good, in fact-- in these pages, I make it no secret that with regard to my inner life/emotional life, I am experiencing a few hiccups. So, after writing about embarking on a stressful speech therapeutic journey with my son, I was looking forward to a chill Monday night tennis class. Compared to the angst I was experiencing over this speech stuff, I thought, tennis is gonna be a piece of cake. Turns out, God had other plans...
If I know one truth about myself, it's that with the exception of feeding and clothing myself and my children, there are very few things I manage to do everyday. I don't even wash my face everyday. And sometimes, (eek) I even forget to brush my teeth. 
For five months I've been doing everything but posting here. I had lost something that gave me the courage, the boldness, the confidence to do the thing that I love to do, but often find scary...
