I am ready to walk toward the world, to risk becoming part of it. 

                                                            -For Today, September 15th

This is exactly what I haven't been doing. Having a blog but not posting. Drawing inspiration from events, but not sitting down to write about them, to see where those thoughts can take me. Letting the moment pass without acting. Not posting because of the false belief that I can only post a full, completely thought-out essay, and letting that expectation prevent me from even getting started. 

Writing in this blog is my way of walking toward the world. Not writing is walking away from it. To publish is to risk becoming part of the world. It's the thing that makes me feel the most alive and also the most terrifying. 

Anchors

Today, I have eight solid days of abstinence from my newest, deadliest binge foods. I call them the "lesser" salty binge foods, but almost a year of repeated relapse because of them proves they can take me down just like any of my other alcoholic foods. This is me getting completely honest in my quest for entire abstinence. I don't just want to say I'm abstinent, I want to feel that way, too. 

He Died on November 12th

Today, I am feeling out-of-sorts. I'm praying for direction. I am praying for the ability to turn away from powerful urges I'm having to screw sorting out my feelings and seek the immediate bliss of consuming some kind of food to distract me from the harrowing discomfort.