Transracial Adoptee

I learned a new term yesterday at my Adoptee Voices Writing Group-- Transracial adoptee. Apparently that's the term that describes me, since I am of the Korean race and was placed with a family of a different race. Labels are superficial, but it feels good to know there is a name for what I am. For most of my life, I thought so little of my identity as an adoptee that never thought about what to call it. I have to name it so I can learn more about it. 

Now that I know I'm a transracial adoptee, I've googled it and I already feel a little better. Turns out, I am not the only transracial adoptee with identity issues. In fact, some people strongly oppose transracial adoption because these problems are so common. I had no idea. 

It may sound obvious but somehow knowing I am not the only transracial adoptee facing cultural identity issues helps me. I realize that part of my reluctance to explore Korean culture stems from my guilt over not having done it sooner. 

I have a lurking notion that somehow because I have Korean blood, the moment I turned 18, I was supposed to want to immerse myself in Korean culture. I feel guilt that I never felt compelled to learn Korean on my own until now. I feel guilt that I never made the Korean adoptee pilgrimage to Seoul that was apparently a thing. 

It's freeing to realize that I don't have to blame myself or feel guilty for not feeling innately drawn to the Korean culture. Some adoptees decide to pursue it earlier in life, some later, and probably some never at all. There is no "supposed to." There is no "should". 

There's a knowing in my heart now, that the Korean language doesn't make someone Korean. It just means they know Korean.