It's been 106 days since I first made that commitment to myself to abstain from recreational sugar. Have I eaten sugar since then? Yes, I have. More than once? Yes. More than twice? Yes. Yes. Does this mean I have blown my commitment? No, I have not.
The old me would have quit a long time ago. I would have slipped, felt horrible about it and used that as an excuse to dive in even deeper, binging til the cows came home. With addiction, once those "flood gates are open" so to speak, there's nothing to stop the compulsion.
But today, I am not where I used to be. And I find myself...
referring back to something I wrote earlier:
The difference is, today I have faith that being "in the food," is not where I am meant to be.
I am meant for something greater. I have faith and that means not giving up on recovery, no matter what. Today, I accept that being a compulsive eater means that I am not perfect, nor am I meant to be. For me the key to recovery is not giving up on myself no matter what mistakes or moments of weakness I encounter along the way. This is the "long view" and it takes "radical acceptance." (I am stealing this phrase from a friend right now.)
The hard thing about this is that no one can give you radical acceptance, or sell it to you online or in an infomercial. It's something you have to feel and experience yourself. The other hard thing about it is that at first glance, you might think that if you accept yourself exactly the way you are today, that means you will never change. But I propose the opposite. Until you accept and love yourself to your core, with extra weight and troublesome eating behavior, you will never be able to do the things you need to do to get healthy over the long-haul.
Ways to Practice Radical Acceptance:
1. Forgive yourself for indulging in something would normally beat yourself up over.
2. Take the time to dress and look the best you can today.
3. Give yourself a minute to reflect on what's going on in your head today. (i.e. journal, talk to a friend)