Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Get Over it Already

I was talking to a classroom mom this morning, and it came out that she was a writer and a blogger.  Wow, I thought. We have something in common. We are alike in that way. I proceeded to share that I too had a blog but I didn't write in it very often. When she asked what it was about, for some reason, I felt comfortable sharing that it was an anonymous blog about food issues. This was probably because I saw that her blog was about health, happiness, and spirituality-- so I figured she would be open and non-judgmental. Then she asked me if I still had the food issues or if I had overcome them. I said "I would say I am in recovery, but yes, I still have them."

I wish I had said something else. I wish I had said...
"I can manage life better but I will not ever get over food addition."  Because that is the truth-- I can change my eating habits for the better and abstain from my binge foods. I can temporarily arrest the disease of compulsive overeating, but the default behavior pattern will never go away. I am a compulsive overeater and will always be.

Later she revealed in conversation with another mom, that she was not a patient person and that she was the kind of person that would tell someone with a problem to "Get over it already.  I am all about action," she said. OHHH... I thought to myself. You are THAT kind of person. You are NOT like me. And I am NOT like you.

Then, she did it. She started telling me about a diet, or I should say a "fast" she thought I should do. No sugar at all, and eat like a vegan for a month. How will this help me? When it is all over, is it supposed to transform me into a person that wants to eat like a vegan for the rest of my life?

As a compulsive overeater, changing my diet for 21 days will not alter the underlying problems of my compulsive overeating.  If I eat with so many restrictions, I am setting myself up for 21 days of binging on all the foods I was not allowed to eat for 21 days. It's not the answer for me. I know this in my heart and in my soul. I am sorry, Miss Health and Happiness. I will NOT be looking up this fast on the internet. Thank you, Lord that I do not have to waste another second wondering if this is what will fix me.

My disease tells me... "But this person is beautiful and slender and is writing a book-- surely she must have all of the answers."

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