Pilates Completes Me-- So Why Haven't I Signed Up Yet?

One trial class and it was clear. Reformer pilates completes me. I love the way my body feels gliding up and down the track-- feeling the tension in the pulleys as I pull my arms forward and the stretch as they retract backwards. There's something about the uniform restricted movement that really appeals to me. A day or so after the class, I made the decision to sign up. That was 6 weeks ago. So, what gives?
Why is it taking me so long to sign up?


Money. One class costs more than one whole month at my gym. Not exactly cost effective. I have guilt for letting my gym membership go un-used for months at a time. Okay, full disclosure-- years at a time. So much wasted money. How can I justify spending money on this class?

Body Image Factor. All of the ladies that I've seen at this studio are fit and slender. I am neither fit, nor slender. I don't belong there. 

Coolness Factor. They all sport hip workout clothes. They all look like they know what they are doing. They are definitely way cooler than I am. I am not cool enough to go there. 

These thoughts buzz around in my head and fuel my avoidance. But today I recognize these thoughts come from my unhealthy self-- the self that lets fear and insecurity keep me from doing the things I love. The self that uses food to distract me from uncomfortable feelings. The self that says "You're not good enough to write for anything other than your own journal."

The self that I chose not to listen to today.

I owe it to myself to sign up for this class-- to do the thing that scares me because it's good for my body and something that I really enjoy. I will continue to use my gym membership, like I am currently doing. I can't change the past, but I can get my money's worth today. Why am I so concerned about these "other ladies?" What does it matter what they look like or who they are? It's is not about them. It's about me-- loving myself enough, acknowledging my own value and having the courage to do something new. It's about making the conscious choice not to listen to my unhealthy self-- the self that I have been listening to for way too long.

-- Writing Prompt from Ninja Writer's Group

Write Today About a Thing You Have Decided, But Have Not Yet Done