KAD's Like Me

On Saturday mornings at 9:00am, six to twelve Korean American adoptee women, myself included, do something they've done countless times for many different reasons; log on to a Zoom meeting. Unlike the meetings I usually attend, PTA meetings, author/film-maker webinars, 12- step groups, this one leaves me with a profound sense of belonging, I dare say, I've never felt before.

 Something fascinating is happening. My sense of self is evolving to include proud Korean adoptee woman. This life-changing support group began 5 weeks ago when a convivial pastor and leadership development adoptee from Portland put a call out to women on a KAD Facebook page, that I check rarely (if ever). I didn't know what to expect or how it would go, but it was clear after that first zoom, it was something I wanted to be a part of every week. 

I was struck by how much we were the same and yet so different-- all Korean adoptee women, but each of us with distinctive hair color and facial features and our stories varied widely. Hearing so many narratives was tremendously validating and helped me appreciate aspects of my own upbringing that I had taken for granted. For example, I didn't have to navigate a life with siblings who were biologically linked to our parents. There were things I envied, too, of course-- parents who were open to Korean culture and family trips to Korea. Quite a few were in reunion with their birthparents. 

I've been in mixed gendered adoptee spaces before. I've been in a BIPOC only adoption space before, but to be in the company of all Korean adoptee women struck a chord deep inside me-- a magic combination of collective experiences that was self-affirming in a way I didn't think I could ever feel. 

I heard someone in our group say what made us so special is that we don't have to explain the whole adoption thing to each other. What I really love about us is how empowering it feels to be in the company of such creative, inspiring, highly-educated women.

When I created this blog, over 10 years ago because I needed a place to be real about my struggles with motherhood and compulsive overeating, I never imagined I would be compelled to write about my place in a KAD support group. I've already gained so much from these bad-ass, supremely talented women-- self-acceptance, self-compassion and strength. I can't wait to see what happens next.