Thursday, August 15, 2013
Transition out of "sweet-seeking"
It all started the night before the first day. He didn't want to sleep in his own bed and with my 3-year old coming into my room in the middle of the night, it resulted in all three of us squished on my side of a queen-sized bed-- all of us awake at 2:00am and 4:00am. Needless to say, no one was getting any sleep-- not ideal for the first day of school. Finally at 4:40am, after we put them both back in their own beds, choking back the tears he told me that he was scared about starting first grade. Wow, I thought. Of course. Now this all makes sense.
Then I remembered that even I was feeling a little anxious that night. After the kids were asleep and I was watching TV, I felt the urge to want to eat a desserty-type item. Fortunately for me, I could open and close my kitchen cabinet doors all I wanted and I wasn't going to find anything to satisfy that craving. I am supremely grateful that "grace" was with me that evening and I chose to sit with these uncomfortable feelings instead of drowning them out with a "sweet taste in the mouth." [This phrase taken from Ben Kingsley in the film "The House of Sand and Fog."]
Going back to school marks a time of transition, not just for my son but for me as well. This is when I have to remember to be good to myself. While my son may need some extra love and attention right now, I do too. I still struggle with what exactly this means for me. Other than getting a mani-pedi or having coffee with a friend, it's difficult for me to figure out what things I can do that feel restored or nurtured.
So, as I watch my son grow up and transition into a brand new phase, I find myself growing up too. When I'm feeling unsteady, instead of reaching for whatever food might make me feel good at that moment, I pause. It's just long enough to arrest the compulsion, collect my thoughts and write a blog post.
at 10:38 AM